I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
