Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
