420 ftw
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
