Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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