I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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