just tell him i said nine months
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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