Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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