after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
