Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
