if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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