just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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