Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
