The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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