At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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