i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
