someone get that fucking seahorse.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
