Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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