I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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