just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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