I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
