Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
