She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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