He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
