I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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