I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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