Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I am naked and annoyed.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot