dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO