when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...