Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
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I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.