yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low