he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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