I heard we made out
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
