Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
