I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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