Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
