just tell him i said nine months
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
