Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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