Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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