How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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