I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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