i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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