I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
