Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
