The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
