After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
