so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
