when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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