everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
