Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
