Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
