did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize