I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
