It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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