So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
