ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
