Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
