Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
