Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
