dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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