The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
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i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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