I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
