It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
