haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
