Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
