Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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