I wish my penis had an off switch
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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