Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
