I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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