I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
