i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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