Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Panties = found
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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